While the reward or punishment of losing his valuable pair of sneakers can be seen as an external one, the plan was one that was created by the student.  The plan originated internally by the learner and will be instituted by the learner.

He was involved in creating his motivational plan.  Ultimately, his motivation was generated by him.  The fact that the motivation was, in a sense, the avoidance of an external pain, was his choice. I was not the judge, the jury or the enforcer. ​He was.  His empowerment came from himself.

Learning how to motivate yourself is a long term process, but by enrolling your students in creating the solution, you will be providing them a gift that will assist them long after their lessons with you have ended.  And as an added benefit, will reduce the amount of stress you experience.

We are now eight weeks from his initiation of his plan, and because he has ownership, he has not fell short of any of his weekly goals!

When I was twelve years old, in addition to continuing my study of the piano, I started taking gymnastic lessons.  Academics for my mental growth, music for my emotional growth and gymnastics for my physical growth.  (Yes there was actually a period of time in the world where parents did not have their children involved in everything!)  

My coach and I were working on my back handspring, which I had yet to do unassisted.  The learning process included steps where my coach was on the floor "spotting" me as I entered the back handspring, the palm of his hand catching the small of my arched back, assisting with a little push to get me up and over.  As I progressed, his spotting became less involved. Even though I could feel his hand on my back, the push of his hand was almost non-existent.  Next, he removed his hand entirely and "spotted" me by just standing on the floor adjacent to the path I was taking.  I continuously executed the back handspring accurately and unassisted. The final step in my process of ownership then took place: he removed himself from the floor entirely.  I had no spotter.  

I remember feeling nervous as I stood ready to run my first solo pass on the floor. Obviously, I was nervous about failing, yet  I really had no evidence supporting this, as I had been executing the back handspring without fail or his assistance for over a week.  Yet psychologically, because he wasn't on the floor, I knew I was on my own.  And that simple thought messed with my head.  I remember taking my run and, just before executing my first truly solo back handspring, thinking, "What if I don't make it?"  I'm sure you can guess the outcome.  I didn't make it.  I landed on the back of my head and woke up in my coach's office not knowing my phone number (he asked me to call my parents to pick me up) or what day it was!  Technically I was ready,  but psychologically I was not. 

Some of the recent most active conversations I've seen in teacher forums reside around creating student ownership for their progress or there lack of.  Ownership is a muscle.  It is not something that is simply given to a student because he or she reaches a certain age.  As a matter of fact, if it is not nurtured in a student over time, the muscle will fail when it is put under strain.  It's just like working out.  Would you expect to be able to bench press your body weight if you had never lifted weights before?  Over course not.  As a matter of fact, you would probably risk great injury if you attempted such a feat.  Such is the case creating growth ownership. 

Growth ownership comes in stages.  These stages are related to both age and experience. In my thirty year career, I have witnessed seven year olds who have more ownership for their progress then some sixteen year olds. Those younger learners were most frequently nurtured into accountable learners by their parents.  While the sixteen year olds had not yet had the model or guidance to adopt the adage "It it's to be, it's up to me." It's imperative that students learn how to flex these new muscles and I always felt it was both my job and in my student's best interest to nurture this important skill.

Early in a student's tutelage, the first stage is to make sure the student has his or her materials ready for the lesson.  That simply means bringing the necessary books to the lesson.  The important strategy from the teacher is to acknowledge that the student has done this by validating this level of responsibility.  Often, as teachers we miss opportunities to reinforce behavior that we want repeated.  A simple "Hey I'm proud of how you remembered all of your music and assignment books," will do wonders for creating a repeat behavior. 

As an Empowered Music Teacher, after introducing a new concept during the lesson, try asking the student how many more times they think they will need to review the concept before they feel comfortable.  Don't ask tell you when they think they have it mastered.  You want them keyed in on the feeling they create when something is mastered, because ultimately, the feeling of pride is both their internal GPS AND their reward.  Condition that level of thinking early in a student's education and it will reap rich rewards as the student grows, both in music and in life.  

A student might say "I'll do it three more times."  After their chosen three times (choices begin to create ownership) ask them if they feel proud or if they would like to do it several more times.  You might be pleasantly surprised when a student turns to you and says, "I think I need two more times."  Then simply repeat the process until they feel comfortable and proud, all the while sitting back and ignoring your burning desire to  correct them. Allow them to figure it out on their, asking you questions if they decide they need to.   Don't forget to reinforce the behavior with a simple validation, "I loved watching you work on that on your own.  It was exciting to see you correcting your mistakes all by yourself.  Great job!"
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The tips in this blog are culled from my two books, Coffee With Ray and Lessons With Matt.  If you would like  more strategies that will both nurture your students into self-directed learners while making your job less stressful and more rewarding, please check them out on Amazon.  ​  ​​

Once upon a time there was a young girl who went for a walk in the woods.  She came upon a home.  She entered the home to find three bowls of porridge on the table.  She tried all three.  One was too hot, one was too cold, one was just right.  As she toured the rest of the house, she came upon three chairs.  One was too hard, one was too soft, one was just right. Side stepping the fact that she was trespassing, there's an important facilitation lesson to be learned from this age-old children's story.

Here it is.  Only the person who experiences the task (in Goldilocks' case, eating and sitting) knows whether or not the task is too hard, too easy or just right.  As an Empowered Music Teacher, you may make suggestions as to what you think is possible for your student, but in order for a student to become accountable for their own progress (and responsible for the there lack of) they must also become responsible for creating their own goals. Goal setting, or what I prefer to call goal GETTING, (anyone can set a goal, getting or achieving that goal is an entirely different matter) is an acquirable skill.  

One of the most important things an Empowered Music Teacher can do to  create accountability in their students is to remove themselves from the student's playing field. A coach doesn't get on the field with his players.  He stays on the sidelines and lets the players play their game.  Yes, he provides feedback and suggestions, he may even call a play, but the players must execute.  The same goes for the student-Empowered Teacher relationship. 

The students need to look at themselves in order to become accountable for their progress.  They cannot look at their teacher and say "You chose the challenge and it was too hard. You made me do it."  If this was the case (as it was for me at the beginning of my career), the hard truth is, the student is correct.  If the student was not part of their weekly curriculum making process, they can then take the focus off of themselves and place blame on the teacher.  That's why it is imperative that the teacher observe, make the student aware and potentially suggest solutions, but, it is up to the student to either accept the solution or come up with a different set of goals and then decide how much or how little they will achieve by the next lesson. 

Am I suggesting that the student gets to choose the literature?  Perhaps at certain levels this might be appropriate.  But to create a sense of ownership over weekly challenges and progress, the student should set his or her weekly goals. That' where the story of Goldilocks, or as I've renamed her "Goal-i-locks" becomes more then a child's fable.  It is the yardstick upon which they progress. 

Here's what you can say to your student, "Is this so hard/much, that you will feel frustrated and not successful by the next lesson?  Is it too easy/small that you will not create a feeling of accomplishment for yourself and instead feel bored? Or is it just right that you will create a feeling of pride and achievement by having to apply yourself? You choose."  ​

Recently I posted a blog titled: The Single Most Crippling Phrase to Learning.  There were some questions posted about it to me (BTW: I love and welcome your questions, as it means two important things.  1. You are thinking about the information which mean you are trying to gain ownership instead of renting the information. 2. Your questions make me think deeper and get clearer about the ideas.  So thank you for the questions!)   Someone asked, "What about challenges that, in fact, are not new, but are in fact hard for my student and have been hard for a long time?"  

First, rephrasing the "It's too hard, I can't do this," is NOT about discounting a student's feelings. Learning is hard!  It means spending time problem solving a new task in order to gain ownership over that task.  It means expanding your comfort zone, which, by definition, is uncomfortable.  The important Diamond Distinction is in the second part of the statement "I can't do this."  For me, it's about reframing their inner conversation (which they usually declare in an "outside voice!") so that it is not a stop light of them questioning their own potential.  Most students do not readily recognize that everything they ever learned had to pass through the "new" stage before mastery occurred.  Walking, riding a bike, tying their shoes, using utensils to eat, etc.  All of it was new at one point.  A reframing helps calm the panic.

​Second, if a challenge is in fact "too hard" it means that the challenge needs to be adjusted to feel more accomplishable to the student.  A student doesn't care if it feels easy for you.  All that they know is that it feels too hard to them.   Notice that it doesn't matter if in fact the challenge is or is not too hard.  All that matters is how it feels to the student. In such a case, they need to develop the skill set to breaking down large challenges into smaller more bite size pieces.  Many students do not have that skill set.  It is part of the job of an Empowered Music Teacher to provide them the skills to navigate new challenges in a manner that maneuvers them past their obstacles and propels them on the road to success.

The tips in this blog are culled from my two books, Coffee With Ray and Lessons With Matt.  If you would like  more strategies that will both nurture your students into self-directed learners while making your job less stressful and more rewarding, please check them out on Amazon.  ​  ​

I recently walked into a restaurant with my wife and, trying to be gentlemanly,  reached for the door handle to open the door for her.  She was a step ahead of me as I grabbed the handle.  Can you guess what I might do with a door that had a handle?  Did I push it or pull it?  Intuitively, I pulled on it and she had to abruptly stop walking.  No, not because I almost hit her in the head with the door, but because the door did not open.  It didn't function the way its "label" suggested.  

The "label" on the door was the handle, which would suggest that I pull it.  Who would push a handle?  If you want something to function by being pushed, you need to put a plate on it, not a handle.  Pianists know this because piano keys, which need to be activated by pushing or dropping weight into them, do not have handles!  They are, by design, meant to be pushed, as any two year old can intuitively figure out.

Labeling something (or someone?) causes you to interact with that thing (or person) in a certain manner. Sometimes, that manner is effective. Often, however, if the label is inaccurate or tainted by the labeler's own perception, interaction is ineffective.  Okay, I can hear you asking, "So what does this have to do with being an Empowered Music Teacher?"  Fair enough.

How often have you labeled a student?  Shy, stubborn, defiant, talented, not-talented, rhythmically challenged, belligerent, obstinate, quiet, difficult, lazy, rude  Imagine having to sub for a teacher and that teacher telling you the student was defiant and rude.  How would that effect your interaction with the student?  What feelings would you bring to the lesson?  Would you go in gentle and compassionate or might you be more ready for resistance?  

Labels cause judgements to be made, either consciously or subconsciously.  These judgements can often blur the simple observation of behaviors and the opportunity to respond without some "color on your glasses."  Labels can handicap your ability, as an educational professional, to interact with your student in a way that is beneficial and effective.

Here's an exercise to play with.  On your next teaching day, simply observe behaviors and report them to your brain, without labeling them. Behaviors are simply ways a person meets their needs.  If a student doesn't want to try the fingering your suggest, don't label him or her stubborn.  If a student wants to try their own dynamics instead of the composers or editors, don't label him defiant or even on the positive side, creative.  Just see the behavior.  Start to recognize when you are labeling a student and the feelings these labels create in you the teacher.  Often the feelings labels create, then have a domino effect in causing us to act in a "knee-jerk" manner...a conditioned response.  Observe, observe and observe. Gather data about the student, instead of making judgements.  Behaviors provide you information and data. The data will assist you in creating the path of least resistance, which is always the least stressful for your students...and for you.
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If you've been teaching for more then twenty-four hours, I'm certain you've heard the phrase all teachers dread,  "This is too hard.  I can't do it!"

Take a minute to say it out loud: "This is too hard. I can't do this." Say it one more time and feel how that phrase feels. "This is too hard.  I can't do this."  Can you hear there's an emotional stoplight there? This is what your students feel when they say that phrase.

A couple of years back, NPR did a report on the least favorite word in the English language, the word the majority of people would like removed from the language.  I thought it might have been a cultural slur or a curse word.  i was wrong. It wasn't.  The word was "moist." Given their choice, out of all the offensive words in our language, "moist" was the one that rubbed people the wrong way! 

For me as an educator, the phrase "This is too hard.  I can't do it!" is my "moist." Why?  Because it's a phrase that signals that the learner is questioning their ability. That's simply not okay.  I never want my students to question their ability. If they question anything, they might want to question their commitment to achieving their goals but certainly not their ability to achieve those goals. So here is a quick easy way of shifting that phrase out of the red light zone and into the green light zone.

Instead of saying, "This is too hard. I can't do this," change it to, "Hey, this is new and unfamiliar. I've never done this before." Try actually saying it out loud so you can experience how it feels. "Hey, this is new and unfamiliar. I've never done this before."  Can you feel the difference?  The resistance to learning something new dissipates. The red light turns green.

 Thank you to those who have sent me questions and comments either via email or on my FB page, Nick Ambrosino Author.  Many of you have reported that even though Diamond Distinctions (a small word or phrase change that creates great leverage for change) are simple and brief,  they have made a HUGE difference in your communications with your students.  So today, I have another powerful Diamond Distinction for you, the difference between praise, a.k.a. compliment, and  validation. 
                                                     
I'm certain you've been in this situation: A student plays a piece, and you throw out a compliment because, well, you're a positive person. "That was good."  That's not too bad, right?  Certainly better then saying nothing.   Yet, a rung up on the ladder of positive feedback might be,"I liked that."  Why does that work better?  Because it always feels better when someone shares how they felt about what you did..  Yet there's still a higher rung on the ladder, the validation. A validation is the most powerful way to provide lasting feedback to your students. What does a validation sound like?  "When you played it that way, I felt goosebumps because of the way you used the dynamics."  Can you feel the difference?  Praising or complimenting are certainly better then nothing, but they often sound judgmental "That was GOOD."  Validations verify how you felt about something specific and valuable in the student's performance.

Have you ever had anyone compliment you only to completely negate the compliment by following it with the word "but?"  Have you ever had a music teacher say something to you like, "You played that really well, but you forgot to use the dynamics." Did you ever notice that whatever you hear after the but negates whatever came before it?
                                                     
Think about it. Do you really remember what was said before the "but?"  Or do you only remember what came after it?  Using "but" after a compliment or validation, doesn't create an environment of encouragement.  In many cases, the compliment was put before the "but" so that what came after the "but" didn't feel so critical or negative.  Yet, there is an incredibly simple word change that will allow you to provide feedback to your students which will invite, encourage and enroll them to improve and become better musicians.

This is one of the most powerful Diamond Distinctions I will share with you.  Utilize it in your communications with your students and you will see an instantaneous change in their improvement and willingness to take on the next step of their education. 

Diamond Distinctions are small word or phrase changes that create incredible leverage for change in your students.  Many people are not aware of the emotional motivational content behind the actual words they are using.  Yet most of the communication we convey relies upon a person's perception of those subtle emotional cues.  A simple word change, such as the one I will share with you below, can be the difference between an emotional red STOP light for a student or an emotional green GO light. 

Instead of the word "but", try this. Replace the word "but" with the word "and."   "I really liked the way you played that, and now, you're ready to add the dynamics."  Say it out loud so you can hear and feel the difference. Do you feel how much more powerful invitation for change the word "and" provides?

The word "and", includes, it invites. The word "but," separates.  ​

The tips in this blog are culled from my two books, Coffee With Ray and Lessons With Matt.  If you would like  more strategies that will both nurture your students into self-directed learners while making your job less stressful and more rewarding, please check them out on Amazon.  ​