If you've been teaching for more then twenty-four hours, I'm certain you've heard the phrase all teachers dread,  "This is too hard.  I can't do it!"

Take a minute to say it out loud: "This is too hard. I can't do this." Say it one more time and feel how that phrase feels. "This is too hard.  I can't do this."  Can you hear there's an emotional stoplight there? This is what your students feel when they say that phrase.

A couple of years back, NPR did a report on the least favorite word in the English language, the word the majority of people would like removed from the language.  I thought it might have been a cultural slur or a curse word.  i was wrong. It wasn't.  The word was "moist." Given their choice, out of all the offensive words in our language, "moist" was the one that rubbed people the wrong way! 

For me as an educator, the phrase "This is too hard.  I can't do it!" is my "moist." Why?  Because it's a phrase that signals that the learner is questioning their ability. That's simply not okay.  I never want my students to question their ability. If they question anything, they might want to question their commitment to achieving their goals but certainly not their ability to achieve those goals. So here is a quick easy way of shifting that phrase out of the red light zone and into the green light zone.

Instead of saying, "This is too hard. I can't do this," change it to, "Hey, this is new and unfamiliar. I've never done this before." Try actually saying it out loud so you can experience how it feels. "Hey, this is new and unfamiliar. I've never done this before."  Can you feel the difference?  The resistance to learning something new dissipates. The red light turns green.

 Thank you to those who have sent me questions and comments either via email or on my FB page, Nick Ambrosino Author.  Many of you have reported that even though Diamond Distinctions (a small word or phrase change that creates great leverage for change) are simple and brief,  they have made a HUGE difference in your communications with your students.  So today, I have another powerful Diamond Distinction for you, the difference between praise, a.k.a. compliment, and  validation. 
                                                     
I'm certain you've been in this situation: A student plays a piece, and you throw out a compliment because, well, you're a positive person. "That was good."  That's not too bad, right?  Certainly better then saying nothing.   Yet, a rung up on the ladder of positive feedback might be,"I liked that."  Why does that work better?  Because it always feels better when someone shares how they felt about what you did..  Yet there's still a higher rung on the ladder, the validation. A validation is the most powerful way to provide lasting feedback to your students. What does a validation sound like?  "When you played it that way, I felt goosebumps because of the way you used the dynamics."  Can you feel the difference?  Praising or complimenting are certainly better then nothing, but they often sound judgmental "That was GOOD."  Validations verify how you felt about something specific and valuable in the student's performance.

Have you ever had anyone compliment you only to completely negate the compliment by following it with the word "but?"  Have you ever had a music teacher say something to you like, "You played that really well, but you forgot to use the dynamics." Did you ever notice that whatever you hear after the but negates whatever came before it?
                                                     
Think about it. Do you really remember what was said before the "but?"  Or do you only remember what came after it?  Using "but" after a compliment or validation, doesn't create an environment of encouragement.  In many cases, the compliment was put before the "but" so that what came after the "but" didn't feel so critical or negative.  Yet, there is an incredibly simple word change that will allow you to provide feedback to your students which will invite, encourage and enroll them to improve and become better musicians.

This is one of the most powerful Diamond Distinctions I will share with you.  Utilize it in your communications with your students and you will see an instantaneous change in their improvement and willingness to take on the next step of their education. 

Diamond Distinctions are small word or phrase changes that create incredible leverage for change in your students.  Many people are not aware of the emotional motivational content behind the actual words they are using.  Yet most of the communication we convey relies upon a person's perception of those subtle emotional cues.  A simple word change, such as the one I will share with you below, can be the difference between an emotional red STOP light for a student or an emotional green GO light. 

Instead of the word "but", try this. Replace the word "but" with the word "and."   "I really liked the way you played that, and now, you're ready to add the dynamics."  Say it out loud so you can hear and feel the difference. Do you feel how much more powerful invitation for change the word "and" provides?

The word "and", includes, it invites. The word "but," separates.  ​

The tips in this blog are culled from my two books, Coffee With Ray and Lessons With Matt.  If you would like  more strategies that will both nurture your students into self-directed learners while making your job less stressful and more rewarding, please check them out on Amazon.  ​

I must admit, I'm a little strange.  Many of my music teacher friends like students who are easy to teach.  Not me.  Many of my teacher friends like students who are obedient, who follow the rules.  Not me.  Many of my teacher friends like students who are easy to control.  Not me.  To my wife, this has never been surprising.  She'll tell you that I rarely take the easy way out.  I like challenges.  I actually seek out ways to expand my comfort zone.  It's what keeps my life fresh.  It's what keeps my teaching fresh. 

Sure, it's a lot easier to ride a pony then a stallion.  But, unless you're five years old, where's the fun in that?  The simple fact is, I find the students that fit in my comfort zone boring. They don't challenge me.  I like, as the title to one of  Malcolm Gladwell's books says, The Outliers.  The outliers are students who are out of my comfort zone.  They keep me on my toes.  They stimulate my creativity.  They force me to think outside of my box.  They are the reasons my two books were written. They challenge me to enroll them in their vision for their potential as opposed to controlling them into my vision.

That's an important Diamond Distinction for me.  The difference between enrolling them and controlling them. Controlling students takes perspiration, enrolling them takes inspiration.  I know, the ones who are easy to control are the ones who are also easier to teach.  They listen to you, the obey your direction.  So if you're going to teach a full lesson load of forty students a week, it might as well be easy money.  Right?  Perhaps, but not for me.  For me, it's boring money.  Boredom dis-enrolls me.  Boredom is the beginning of the end for me.  

To be candid, I've never really grown as a teacher by teaching the "easy ones."  I've never learned anything about myself, as a teacher and a person, from the "easy ones."  My teaching knife only gets sharpened on objects harder then it.  Just as you want your students to take on musical challenges outside of their comfort zones, why shouldn't you take on teaching challenges outside of yours?

I like having to come up with language that inspires them to seek out their fullest potential as musicians, but more importantly, as people.   That's what enrollment is, inspiring them to take stock in their own greatness.  Aligning their actions with their visions.

What would you say to your students to enroll them in their own greatness?  How would you be a continued source of inspiration for them?  Tough questions.  But perhaps, the next question will guide you to find your answer.  What would someone need to say to you to enroll you in your own greatness?  What words and actions would inspire you?  Those are the same words your students need to hear.  Say them, to both yourself and to them.  Your studio will thrive and so will you.

The tips in this blog are culled from my two books, Coffee With Ray and Lessons With Matt.  If you would like  more strategies that will both nurture your students into self-directed learners while making your job less stressful and more rewarding, please check them out on Amazon.  ​

Happy New Year! I wish you and your families an incredible (in whatever manner that would translate for you) New Year.   Yet, wishing to me isn't good enough. As an Empowered Teacher, wishing is a tool I simply don't use.  So I feel an obligation to provide you with a strategy for actually insuring that you create a year which aligns with your greatest passions and brings you the most joy. 

I'll often hear from teachers with whom I work in private Empowered Teacher coaching practice or with whom I get to interact with in workshops, "Nick, that's a great idea, but when I'm in the heat of the moment, I fall back on old habits.  How can I change that so I can be more effective?"

Well, one of the key elements of making better choices is the difference between reacting and responding. When you react, you continue to create the environment in your lessons from the default mechanisms you have developed over years. Your actions are "knee-jerk reactions", and will continue to yield you the same results. So, if you don't like those results, you might want to take a GAP between the events that happen in your lessons, and whatever it is you do after that.
                                                     
In my book, Lessons with Matt, I speak about the power of the GAP, which stands for Grab Another Possibility. Take a moment to stop, and instead of just doing what you would normally do, think for a minute about the outcome you desire. That's called responding. Once you start responding instead of just reacting, you get to create your life and your lessons from choice. The choice to respond, in a conscious manner that provides you your desired outcome, is a one of the most powerful tools you possess to create the life of your dreams.  That's why most of us feel rejuvenated when we return from holiday.  The holiday gives us a GAP from the reactions through which we often create our lives.  The GAP creates an opportunity for us to reflect and respond by allowing us time to get clearer on what we want.
 
So, I do "wish" you an incredible, passionate, joy-filled year...through the power of the GAP and then responding with a choice that aligns with what you want.

The tips in this blog are culled from my two books, Coffee With Ray and Lessons With Matt.  If you would like  more strategies that will both nurture your students into self-directed learners while making your job less stressful and more rewarding, please check them out on Amazon.  ​

As we come upon the holidays, my family and I visit the different local villages to enjoy the decorations and festivities.  On one of the visits I watched a candy maker making fudge.

Now, I don't know if you've ever seen fresh fudge being made but it's a pretty cool process. The ingredients are put into a vat and brought up to around 237 degrees Fahrenheit. In the middle of the room there is a large, cold granite table. The table has no lip on it.  It's  just a big slab of granite. The fudge maker carries the molten liquified ingredients to the table and pours them onto the middle of the granite. The liquid fudge starts to spread and begins to move towards the edges of the granite. The fudge maker then calmly and slowly walks around the granite table, gently pushing the fudge that's falling off the edges of the granite back into the middle of the table.
                                                     
He continues to walk around this rectangular piece of granite until the fudge has stopped running off the sides. Since, however, it's still not completely cooled he starts to gently push the sides inward creating a firmer form. Eventually it becomes this perfect piece of rectangular cooled fudge. Once it has cooled and formed, he then divides it into the pieces that can be consumed by the customers.

The thing that I found most interesting about this process is that the fudge maker simply kept walking the table, "training" the fudge to stay on the table. He had no negative emotions attached to the process, no frustration, no impatience.  He let the fudge cool and form at whatever pace the fudge needed to do so. He simply continued walking and forming, walking and forming. Watching him was an almost Zen like experience..

I realized that as an empowered teacher, that's really the most effective way for us to do our job, to gently and calmly walk around, continuing to nudge our student in the right direction, letting the student "form" at a pace that is right for that student.  And doing so without bringing any of your own frustrations or impatience to the process. 
                                                     
The important distinction here is the difference between nurturing and forcing.  This week, as you nurture your students to their fullest potential, let the fudge maker be your guide, as a matter of fact, I encourage you to "fudge" your way to success! Facilitate with compassion and kindness gently nudging, nurturing and encouraging your students toward their greatest success.  ​

The tips in this blog are culled from my two books, Coffee With Ray and Lessons With Matt.  If you would like  more strategies that will both nurture your students into self-directed learners while making your job less stressful and more rewarding, please check them out on Amazon.  

This week's blog is about the distinction between time management and activity management. I'm sure you hear students say it all of the time, you may even say it yourself, "I didn't have the time." When you really consider this statement, it's really not a time management problem because time is going to pass whether you do things or not. You don't have much control over time. What you do have control over are the priorities of your activities and this is a key principle for a student to grasp if they are going to become accountable for their progress. 

Often we fill our day with so much noise and so many activities that at the end of the day, we feel frazzled and unproductive. We don't feel like we've really accomplished much. Or, if you have gotten something done, you start to feel like a hamster on that wheel because you are tending to the busyness of life, instead of the business of living. In the case of your students, they need to become aware of the feelings of success they want to create in themselves based upon the goals they have set.  Accomplishing those goals is a matter of activity management, not time management.  If they learn how to manage their activities they will create the feelings of success and motivation that will continue to propel them forward. 

Is the process a quick one?  By no means, but education is a marathon not a sprint.      

That's your Diamond Distinction for today.

The tips in this blog are culled from my two books, Coffee With Ray and Lessons With Matt.  If you would like  more strategies that will both nurture your students into self-directed learners while making your job less stressful and more rewarding, please check them out on Amazon.  ​