Recently I posted a blog titled: The Single Most Crippling Phrase to Learning.  There were some questions posted about it to me (BTW: I love and welcome your questions, as it means two important things.  1. You are thinking about the information which mean you are trying to gain ownership instead of renting the information. 2. Your questions make me think deeper and get clearer about the ideas.  So thank you for the questions!)   Someone asked, "What about challenges that, in fact, are not new, but are in fact hard for my student and have been hard for a long time?"  

First, rephrasing the "It's too hard, I can't do this," is NOT about discounting a student's feelings. Learning is hard!  It means spending time problem solving a new task in order to gain ownership over that task.  It means expanding your comfort zone, which, by definition, is uncomfortable.  The important Diamond Distinction is in the second part of the statement "I can't do this."  For me, it's about reframing their inner conversation (which they usually declare in an "outside voice!") so that it is not a stop light of them questioning their own potential.  Most students do not readily recognize that everything they ever learned had to pass through the "new" stage before mastery occurred.  Walking, riding a bike, tying their shoes, using utensils to eat, etc.  All of it was new at one point.  A reframing helps calm the panic.

​Second, if a challenge is in fact "too hard" it means that the challenge needs to be adjusted to feel more accomplishable to the student.  A student doesn't care if it feels easy for you.  All that they know is that it feels too hard to them.   Notice that it doesn't matter if in fact the challenge is or is not too hard.  All that matters is how it feels to the student. In such a case, they need to develop the skill set to breaking down large challenges into smaller more bite size pieces.  Many students do not have that skill set.  It is part of the job of an Empowered Music Teacher to provide them the skills to navigate new challenges in a manner that maneuvers them past their obstacles and propels them on the road to success.

The tips in this blog are culled from my two books, Coffee With Ray and Lessons With Matt.  If you would like  more strategies that will both nurture your students into self-directed learners while making your job less stressful and more rewarding, please check them out on Amazon.  ​  ​

I recently walked into a restaurant with my wife and, trying to be gentlemanly,  reached for the door handle to open the door for her.  She was a step ahead of me as I grabbed the handle.  Can you guess what I might do with a door that had a handle?  Did I push it or pull it?  Intuitively, I pulled on it and she had to abruptly stop walking.  No, not because I almost hit her in the head with the door, but because the door did not open.  It didn't function the way its "label" suggested.  

The "label" on the door was the handle, which would suggest that I pull it.  Who would push a handle?  If you want something to function by being pushed, you need to put a plate on it, not a handle.  Pianists know this because piano keys, which need to be activated by pushing or dropping weight into them, do not have handles!  They are, by design, meant to be pushed, as any two year old can intuitively figure out.

Labeling something (or someone?) causes you to interact with that thing (or person) in a certain manner. Sometimes, that manner is effective. Often, however, if the label is inaccurate or tainted by the labeler's own perception, interaction is ineffective.  Okay, I can hear you asking, "So what does this have to do with being an Empowered Music Teacher?"  Fair enough.

How often have you labeled a student?  Shy, stubborn, defiant, talented, not-talented, rhythmically challenged, belligerent, obstinate, quiet, difficult, lazy, rude  Imagine having to sub for a teacher and that teacher telling you the student was defiant and rude.  How would that effect your interaction with the student?  What feelings would you bring to the lesson?  Would you go in gentle and compassionate or might you be more ready for resistance?  

Labels cause judgements to be made, either consciously or subconsciously.  These judgements can often blur the simple observation of behaviors and the opportunity to respond without some "color on your glasses."  Labels can handicap your ability, as an educational professional, to interact with your student in a way that is beneficial and effective.

Here's an exercise to play with.  On your next teaching day, simply observe behaviors and report them to your brain, without labeling them. Behaviors are simply ways a person meets their needs.  If a student doesn't want to try the fingering your suggest, don't label him or her stubborn.  If a student wants to try their own dynamics instead of the composers or editors, don't label him defiant or even on the positive side, creative.  Just see the behavior.  Start to recognize when you are labeling a student and the feelings these labels create in you the teacher.  Often the feelings labels create, then have a domino effect in causing us to act in a "knee-jerk" manner...a conditioned response.  Observe, observe and observe. Gather data about the student, instead of making judgements.  Behaviors provide you information and data. The data will assist you in creating the path of least resistance, which is always the least stressful for your students...and for you.
​

If you've been teaching for more then twenty-four hours, I'm certain you've heard the phrase all teachers dread,  "This is too hard.  I can't do it!"

Take a minute to say it out loud: "This is too hard. I can't do this." Say it one more time and feel how that phrase feels. "This is too hard.  I can't do this."  Can you hear there's an emotional stoplight there? This is what your students feel when they say that phrase.

A couple of years back, NPR did a report on the least favorite word in the English language, the word the majority of people would like removed from the language.  I thought it might have been a cultural slur or a curse word.  i was wrong. It wasn't.  The word was "moist." Given their choice, out of all the offensive words in our language, "moist" was the one that rubbed people the wrong way! 

For me as an educator, the phrase "This is too hard.  I can't do it!" is my "moist." Why?  Because it's a phrase that signals that the learner is questioning their ability. That's simply not okay.  I never want my students to question their ability. If they question anything, they might want to question their commitment to achieving their goals but certainly not their ability to achieve those goals. So here is a quick easy way of shifting that phrase out of the red light zone and into the green light zone.

Instead of saying, "This is too hard. I can't do this," change it to, "Hey, this is new and unfamiliar. I've never done this before." Try actually saying it out loud so you can experience how it feels. "Hey, this is new and unfamiliar. I've never done this before."  Can you feel the difference?  The resistance to learning something new dissipates. The red light turns green.

 Thank you to those who have sent me questions and comments either via email or on my FB page, Nick Ambrosino Author.  Many of you have reported that even though Diamond Distinctions (a small word or phrase change that creates great leverage for change) are simple and brief,  they have made a HUGE difference in your communications with your students.  So today, I have another powerful Diamond Distinction for you, the difference between praise, a.k.a. compliment, and  validation. 
                                                     
I'm certain you've been in this situation: A student plays a piece, and you throw out a compliment because, well, you're a positive person. "That was good."  That's not too bad, right?  Certainly better then saying nothing.   Yet, a rung up on the ladder of positive feedback might be,"I liked that."  Why does that work better?  Because it always feels better when someone shares how they felt about what you did..  Yet there's still a higher rung on the ladder, the validation. A validation is the most powerful way to provide lasting feedback to your students. What does a validation sound like?  "When you played it that way, I felt goosebumps because of the way you used the dynamics."  Can you feel the difference?  Praising or complimenting are certainly better then nothing, but they often sound judgmental "That was GOOD."  Validations verify how you felt about something specific and valuable in the student's performance.